Resolutions for a Procrastinator

I am the Queen of Procrastination, of the "I will do it tomorrow" crowd, and of the "Was that today?" bunch. In fact, it has taken me three days just to write this post about resolutions which probably is not a good way to start a new year.

A New Year, our one way of delivering ourselves out of mediocrity and make ourselves feel better. Or is it a way to make ourselves start projects that we never entail to finish? I have such a dire outlook on resolutions and not because it is a tradition most deem silly. It is because it puts to light my faults and everything that I have not achieved because of my own fears. I have a fear of failure and of pleasing everyone. A sickening need to please that it stops me dead in my tracks from even attempting to accomplish anything real. I was so proud of everything I had accomplished as a person, a blogger, and a aspiring writer until I received a rejection.

That was the one rock too many and I began to drown in my own self loathing. I stopped writing and went back and forth on whay I did it in the first place? Why did I want to write? Was it a part of me that I couldn't ignore or was it just because I felt I could achieve it?

Writing is such a fickle community where you are judged on everything and anything. Where someone deems your story unfit and unworthy? Even if you have a beautifully written novel does not make it marketable.

In 2012, I want to regain my self confidence. I would like to respect myself as an an artist. I want to start a non profit and create a local Literary Festival. I would like to take a business course and some art classes. I just want to find me. I am nearly 30 and am a totally different person now. Who is this person and how can she become better?

Resolutions, eh, I have all year right?

Jessie